jarang2 akan aku explore territory motivasi dan perbincangan mendalam tentang kehidupan. bukannya aku tak berminat, tetapi agak susah aku nak luahkan dalam bentuk kata2 yang cantik dan tersusun. tetapi, seperti yang korang tau, aku membaca blog danny choo (DC) dan pada aku dia seorang yang amat inspiring dan mengagumkan (pada aku). kali ini aku akan sertakan pendapat dia ttg orang2 sekeliling yang membenci korang - hasad dengki dan suka memperendah2kan korang. pada aku, tulisan dia amat menarik dan mudah. aku membaca isi kata dia dengan meletakkan diri aku sebagai mangsa kepada hasad org sekeliling dan kadangkala sebagai seorang yang berhasad kepada yang lain. agak normal jika kita selalu anggap kita sebagai mangsa dan selalu melupakan kadangkala kita juga berlaku kejam kepada yang lain. semoga korang dapat sedikit manfaat dari penulisan dia ye. oh ya, gambar2 ini diambil oleh aku sekian lama dahulu dengan Nikon D60 aku (kalau membaca je tanpa visual kurang menarik, so aku include la sedikit gambar). aku membuat sesi photowalk pada waktu malam dan ianya sangat mencabar..hehehe. gerun dan lucu juga adanya. mungkin aku boleh cerita lain kali. baiklah. selamat membaca!
My theories as to why folks start to hate you are:-
- Human instinct is to protect him/herself. You see this reaction if somebody falls over - their arms naturally extend to protect them from the fall. If a human feels threatened by your existence, they may try to harm you directly or indirectly.
- Humans with low self esteem may find that attacking you makes them feel better about themselves as it 'places them above you.' I notice this *a lot* on the Japanese Internet. Many folks in Japanese society are given the "I'm-your-boss-so-shut-up-and-listen-to-what-I-say" treatment - needless to say that they feel like poo on the shoe when they get home. They then proceed to take it out on people/companies on the Internet with foul language. This form of gang bashing is known as "Matsuri" which literally means "Festival" - a group of folks having a good time bashing others.
- Many humans hate the unknown. And because something is unknown, the only means a hater has to protect themselves is hatred which they try to use to expel you.
I also personally experienced this form of hatred at school too. I lived many of my years bullied by a particular person - the guy who I mentioned before who wanted to smash my head in with a metal bat. I was a quiet weak child who was brought up with foster parents who bullied me at home too - didn't exactly leave me feeling confident at school. Haters took advantage of this fact to make them feel better about themselves.
- Some humans may 'blame' you for how well you are doing at school or in society and see you as the cause of their current predicaments. You do well because of your hard work while others want your abilities (or what you have) by doing nothing. Jealousy is a trait that can even be seen in animals but if they could learn how to feel good about themselves, they need not be jealous of anything or anybody.
- Some humans hate you for not being how they want you to be. In their mind they have already decided how certain sets of humans should behave and when you are being just you and not behaving as they expect, they will hate you because you are not meeting their expectations. They could possibly see this as a threat to them because they don't know how to handle people who are not in their presets.
- Another reason why humans may choose you as a target of hatred is because they use you as a benchmark to 'do better' than you. This is annoying and a compliment at the same time ^^; I see this going on between companies. A particular company that I worked at hated another company and used them as a benchmark.
- Some humans may hate you due to some sort of misunderstanding. I always employ and encourage open communication especially for sensitive topics. If the hater is somebody you care about, take the initiative to try to find out the cause of you being hated as it could be something over something very silly indeed.
My observations of haters are:-
- Haters linger - they want to know what you are doing/saying and this probably goes back to my theory of them perceiving you as a threat. If you are online, they will visit your site regularly and if your hater is a real life offline hater then they will try to find out what you are up to - could be through mutual friends.
- I have come across many haters who start to believe that things you say or do is directed at them. My theory is that they either want you to acknowledge the hatred that they have for you or gain sympathy or recognition from peers - they so this by picking out something you say or do and believe it is directed at them somehow. This probably makes them feel special which could stem from them blaming you for their current position or situation in society.
- Haters will let as many people as possible know how much they hate you. My theory is that they try to recruit the sympathy of fellows which makes them feel wanted and recognized.
- Online haters never use their real name - they usually hide behind an online identity. Being 'invisible' means that a hater can poke n tease at you without you knowing who they are and this may give them extreme heightened levels of pleasure which may make up for their distress at their current predicament in society.
- People who are initially friends can become your best haters. I have experienced this behavior on and offline. I had a few previous colleagues who started off being friendly and turning into monsters! But at the same time, I knew initial haters who turned out to be incredibly good buddies too.
So how about me? Who do I hate? Well I used to hate Ichiro (yes Ichiro ^^;) after I saw a clip on TV of him being horrible to fans who traveled to Seattle from Japan to see him. I feel like a complete pratt thinking that I used to hate somebody who is so far away from me and who I don't even know. I don't hate anybody these days because hating people does not really do anything for me. Hating somebody uses up time and some form of life energy which I would rather be using to focus on my own life.
So what should you do about that person at school or work that hates you for no apparent reason? Well there is a reason they hate you but its probably because you are just being yourself and you should never have to change yourself to please them. I tried to change myself to please my bullies by asking them to punch me - they punched but I was never part of their clan and glad I didn't end up like them. Many of my 'friends' ended up turning to the dark side of the force and bullied me to be part of the clan. They never studied and many of them started to do badly in their studies.
If you are on the end of being hated, have a look at some of the reasons above and hopefully there will be some comments of advice too which will help you deal with your situation. You should continue to focus on the things that you need to do that contributes to *your* life. Its still day one for all of us and we are always learning and growing in this game of life. Haters may initially get on your nut but should realize that they are there for a reason and that fate has made them into a piece of your jigsaw puzzle that slowly gets completed as you go through life.
Society has all walks of people and we would never be able to successfully get through life without experiencing haters and learning how to deal with them. Remember that we need haters to help us grow and that they are in your life for a reason. You must work out what that reason is and learn how to deal with them. By understanding that its most probably because they are jealous, scared or need attention will help you define how to deal with them.
What you must not do is spend large amounts of time worrying or thinking about the people who hate you. This is your life and not theirs. You should not waste your precious life on people who hate you and focus on your beautiful life that you have ahead of you.
If you are happy, passionate about what you do and enjoying the variety of life then you will realize how insignificant haters are compared to the wonderful life you have.
Soooo, the takeaways for this evening is...
- We all need haters. They are invaluable to learning how to deal with similar folk in the future.
- Haters may initially get on your nut but the more haters you experience, the more easily you will be able to deal with them.
- Learn to deal with haters but don't waste your precious life on them - focus on *your* life.
- Learn to deal with haters but never get depressed over them. Do not let them get the better over you.
- Haters can sometimes be a message from fate prompting you to do something.
- Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes the spice has a sharp bitter taste, sometimes its sweet and fragrant. Life would be boring without challenge or variety. Haters are only part of the challenges that we need to experience in life.
itu adalah sebahagian dari ulasan DC - tajuknya ialah dealing with haters part 1. kalau nak baca versi penuh kena pergi ke blog dia ye. DC ni bukan hidup senang dari lahirnya walaupun bapa dia orang yang popular. kesusahan hidup dia dan persekitaran sekeliling dia yg payah menjadikan dia seperti sekarang. kita hidup pun bukan senang. kecuali ada berberapa manusia shj yang dianugerahkan kehidupan sempurna yang diidamkan ramai. salah satu kesusahan yang perlu ditempuhi ialah orang2 yang hasad dengki disekeliling. spt yg aku tuliskan awal tadi, kita perlu juga teliti jika kita adalah golongan yang selalu hasad dan dengki kpd yang lain. aku juga terasa seperti aku ada terjebak menjadi spesis pendengki kepada yang lain. ini adalah satu yang tidak baik. cuma sekarang, aku berjaya serba sedikit menghilangkan rasa hasad dan dengki dengan selalu mengingati - "itu rezeki dia. dia berhak mendapat ganjaran itu. semua itu usaha dia. itu bukan usaha aku dan aku tidak perlu dan tiada hak utk berasa dengki sama sekali". cuma selalu juga aku dapati aku tidak disukai dan dicemuh tanpa aku tahu apa asal usul kesnya. yang ini aku biarkan saja, walaupun kata2 dari pihak itu amat tajam dan mencela sehingga menjadi satu cerita benar kepada semua. aku rasa aku tidak perlu buat apa2 dan harap mereka semua akan disedarkan dengan sendirinya. yang penting sekarang, aku perlu meneliti diri aku supaya aku tidak menjadi sebahagian golongan pendengki di masa sekarang dan masa hadapan.
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